80 Cents a Day Eh???
December 4th, 2005 
Editorials
You know what really grinds my gears? (Please don’t sue me Seth McFarlane!)
You know those commercials with fat ass Sally Struthers begging you to give 80 cents a day to little Ummbaboo or little *click click snap* or little Estaban so that they won’t have flies and shit crawling around on their eyeballs? You know the ones that come on late at night while you are waiting on the Girls Gone Wild commercial to come on and you’re looking for your lotion?
They’ve been doing those joints for like 20 years or so now right? So why the fuck haven’t they updated any of those stories? Like at this point shouldn’t they have had AT LEAST ONE success story to report back? Like, “You muthafuckas don’t believe your 80 cents a day make a difference? Well look at Mufasa here! Twenty years ago he was starving and about to die, and now look at him, he’s a medical doctor!” Or even moderate success like, “Look at Jarwahalal here! 20 years ago he was suffering from kwashiokor, now look, he’s a NYC cab driver!”
No, we get nothing of the sort, as a matter of fact I think they show the same suffering kids from like 15 years ago on those commercials!! You know what your 80 cents a day is going to? The Sally Struthers Donut Fund, now that looks like a cause that’s been working!!!
So I propose this, instead of giving your 80 cents to her, send it to me. E-mail me at calvin@[no-spam]killacal.net and I’ll give you instructions! In addition I’ll send you a picture of me eating out at Cheesecake Factory and other restuarants to prove that your money isn’t going to waste!!
December 5th, 2005 at 12:08 am
Cal, you’re a mad man- simply wild. I used to want to sponsor those kids but I was 10 and stamps, envelopes and such were unavailable to me.
December 5th, 2005 at 12:08 am
Bravo! LMAO!
if there was a success story though… Brevin Knight look like he could possibly be a Sally Struthers success story. like… look, youre 80 cents has gotten Brevin Knight all the way to the NBA!
December 5th, 2005 at 12:10 am
THERE ARE NO AMOUNT OF LOL’S, OR LMAO’S OR WHATEVER ELSE, TO DESCRIBE HOW HARD THIS HAS ME DOUBLED OVER CACKLING LIKE A FUCKIN HAG. I HATE YOU CALVIN. I JUST FUCKING HATE YOU. THAT IS ALL. G’DAY!
December 5th, 2005 at 1:42 am
omgomgomg WAIT THO
I KNOW SOMEONE WHO SENDS MONEY TO THE FLY-EYEBALL KIDS!!!!
SAMMMM YOU HAVE BEEN OUTED!
December 5th, 2005 at 9:13 am
kwashiokor = diet deficiency disease.
if it weren’t for the fact that cal’s a doctor (or whatever and shit), i never woulda googled that shit and expected it to be a medical condition.
i echo resha’s sentiments. cal, you are a PLAIN ASS FOOL. thanks for making my morning.
December 5th, 2005 at 8:56 pm
Oh dang, Kwashiokor is real? That made it extra damn funny to me…
woooo, this was a good one
January 23rd, 2006 at 6:22 pm
“…and other restuarants to prove that your money isn’t going to waste!!”
Actually, that would prove it was going to “waist”.