New attempts to battle childhood fat-fuckary are once again coming from an institution many cite as the fucking problem to begin with: television.

But turns out that Nickelodeon shut down all programming for three hours Saturday for its “Let’s Just Play Worldwide Day of Play.” Those who tuned in saw only a “Let’s Just Play” logo so they’d move away from the tube and get active. Or just turn to another fucking channel all together. Were guessing this is what the really fat kids did.

Meanwhile, Kid Fitness, a new series based on an exercise video of the same title made by fitness trainer Paul Neville in 2003 and aimed at kids ages 2-8, is under distribution by American Public Television and has been picked up by several local PBS affiliates. However, sadly the show has been over looked and receiving low ratings, because kids dont fucking watch PBS, not the cool ones anyway ( although i did sometimes, fuck yall )

WYBE Philadelphia already airs Kid Fitness, and WKNO of Memphis launched the show Sunday. The show will be picked up Friday on KRSC of Tulsa and this Sunday on WUSI of Terre Haute, Ind., and WSIU of Paducah, Ky., Harrisburg, Ky. and Cape Girardeau, Mo. And a whole bunch of other places with like 3 mcdonalds so if there are fat kids in those towns, its their parents fucking faults.

Though the title Kid Fitness suggests a more overt push for kids to get up and move around, Neville says it’s not presented that way.

“You have to mask the purpose of what you’re doing,” Neville says. “You don’t want to have a kid build a complex, even with every one at school calling them fat fucks and other various taunts and insults involving them being a fat bastard. So we mask our true feelings and try to avoid saying things like ‘hey you little tub of lard, get off your gotdamn ass and hit the track’ such phrases can destroy a child’s fragile mental state”

The show features interactive and educational story lines through the adventures of superhero Kid Fitness ( way to mask your intentions asshole… no one will catch on to that, not even some dumb fat kid ), played by certified personal trainer and fitness model Jarred Sper. Sper is accompanied by Brenda Butterfly, the Club Fit kids and a whole cast of physically active humans in animal costumes.

Neville set out to make Kid Fitness after his first child was born, when he began paying closer attention to childhood weight problems. About 31% of children in the USA are overweight or at risk of becoming so, according to the latest government data. Mcdonalds is really fucking these kids up, they are destine for obesity from such an early age.

Neville blames, largely, TV and the Internet.

“The calories haven’t changed that much as far as what the kids eat,” Neville says. “It’s what they burn off that’s made the biggest difference.”

Nicolas Stettler, pediatrician in the Philadelphia Children’s Hospital’s Division of Gastroenterology and Nutrition, agrees about the problems of TV and the Internet. But he also attributes children’s weight problems to unhealthful snacks sold in schools – and to commercials that can encourage unhealthful snacks, beverages or habits. Such as many of the advertisers that frequent Nickelodeon air time.

A Government Accountability Office report released in September said that nine of 10 schools vend junk food through machines, stores and cafeteria snack lines. And even worse, Parents arm their fat ass kids with cash to purchase these goods.

Stettler likes the messages that Kid Fitness promotes but says children are most likely to lose weight doing anything other than watching TV, whether it is crafts, reading or playing. Neville, however, challenges that reading is the best alternitive “What kind of shit is that? If the lil fat muthafucka is still sitting on his fat ass. Thats what he is doing, sitting on his fat ass, rather its reading the words that are in the book, or one a computer monitor! That guy Stettler is a fucking tool!”

“In general it’s probably a good idea to integrate physical activity and healthy eating education” into the media, Stettler says. “Even better … is to turn off the TV and have other activities.” No Shit Stettler, every one knows TV is the fucking problem Caption Obvious. Way to come with those ground breaking solutions. To add to that, the Mars corporation, the makers of many popular candies… M&M’s, Snickers, etc…. seems to not be all that concerned about child fat fuckary, a spokesman for Mars had this to say “Sure kids are fat, but we are in the business of making candy. That should be consumed when you get the urge for a snack. Snacks dont really make you fat. Its TV, and the Internet like that other guy said. But at the end of the day, what in the fuck do you expect us to do? Make healthy candy? Get the fuck out of here! Yea sure, we will make broccoli flavored snickers bar, Whos gonna eat that nasty shit?”

We at The INS came up with a few suggestions that would help in the battle of child fuckary. ( somebody call Whitney and Bobbi out this bitch, they need to listen in on this shit here )

1. Stop taking your kids to McDonalds all the gotdamn time. Every once in a while is cool. But seriously, if that lil fat mutahfucka has memorized the menu. Time to cut they ass off.

2. Dont let your kids sit in the house all gotdamn day. I understand its hard to be a parent, and you just want your kid to shut the fuck up sometimes. But TV isnt always the answer, if you see other kids outside. Turn off the damn TV and kick that little fat muthafucka out the house. Its been working for ghetto parents who were REALLY worried about high electricity bills for ages.

3. Getting your kid outside and involved in sports could end up being a pay day for you years down the line. They could fuck around and become a star athlete in your town, and then off to a major professional sport, and yo ass gets paid! Look at AI’s mom. That could be you!

4. Take YOUR fat ass outside and play with your gotdamn kid every once in a while, maybe both you muthafuckas might lose a pound or 3.

5. Take all the chairs out of in front of the TV, and make your kids stand to watch tv. Its a slow process but the calories will burn eventually.

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