China, home of where almost every-damn-thing you own is made, has announced an emergency plan to deal with a flu pandemic, amid fears that the bird flu virus will one day be able to spread from human to human. The bird flu is basically putting the POW back in your Kung Pow Chicken, and giving SARS (aka the chinese version of AIDS) a run for its money. Our bet is that no one will be playing games of Duck-Duck-Goose anytime soon.

China’s Ministry of Health has launched what it calls a contingency plan to enhance the country’s readiness for any outbreak of pandemic influenza. How they plan to deal with the outbreak of millions of muthafuckas who are over-populating the country beats me. Nyquil officials have failed to produce an over the counter nighttime-sniffling-sneezing-coughing-aching-stuffy chickenhead medicine to minimize this pandemic, therefore, no bird in China will be sipping on sizzurp in the near future.

The plan sets out a colour-coded emergency response. This colour-coded system will be much like America’s Terror Alert Rainbow in comparison, only the one in China will feature Japanese Pokemon characters. If the character alert is Pikachu, you’re good, but if its Shigeru–which signifies a consistent and rapid spread of the new virus, your ass better get the fuck outta dodge. But good luck seeking refuge seeing as how they are just too many Wangs, Wu’s and Chengs in the country in the first damn place.

All health authorities around China would be called on to respond to the outbreak, including setting up temporary clinics for the sick. Let’s just hope they dont stuff all those Chinese people in large arenas, because if you thought the New Orleans Convention Center smelled like ass and pork and beans, imagine an even larger arena smelling like ass and egg-foo-young. Not pretty.

Asia has been battling bird flu since late 2003, with vaccination campaigns and massive culls of tens of millions of chickens and ducks that have devastated poultry industries, particularly in Thailand and Vietnam. They pretty much kept out the “Mongorians”, so this shouldn’t be too hard–or would it? One would simply think that China should get its Duck Hunt on, and just shoot every bird and duck that’s sick, but it’s not that easy. Several would think that China would have the power to just kill off every bird and make robot chickens. After all, they are the motherfuckers responsible for this bullshit here.

More than 60 people have died out of a possible 1,306,313,812. Oh gee, what a staggering figure. Cash Money Records CEO, Baby aka BirdMan, is nervous as hell right about now.

Original article found here.